Set up
Invite people to distinguish observation, body impact, story, and response. The listener's job is to hear first, not explain immediately.
Authentic Relating Games
Impact / What Lands for Me
You describe the effect another person is having on you in the moment, while trying to separate direct observation from interpretation. It trains relational transparency without instantly escalating into conflict.
Game flow exampleGame flow example
Impact / What Lands for Me
A simple sample of what this game can sound like in practice.
Person A
When you looked away while I was speaking, I noticed a drop in my stomach.
Person A
The story I made up was that you were bored, but the direct impact was feeling less connected.
Person B
I hear that my looking away landed in you as disconnection.
Person B
I was actually tracking my own reaction, not leaving you.
Person A
Hearing that, I feel more settled and clearer about what was observation versus story.
A simple flow
- Person A names a concrete observation and what happened in their body, emotions, or attention.
- If a story is present, they name it explicitly as story rather than fact.
- Person B reflects back what they heard and only then offers context or response.
- Switch roles after the first exchange feels complete, rather than chopping it into artificial mini-rounds.
Prompts to use
- “When I saw / heard that, the impact in me was…”
- “The story I made up was…”
- “What I most want you to hear is…”
What to watch for
- Smuggling accusations in through the language of impact.
- Skipping the body and speaking only in abstract judgments.
- Explaining yourself before the impact has been fully heard.
Good variations
- Add a listening round where the listener only mirrors impact language before any discussion begins.
- Run it triad-style with an observer who helps separate observation from story.
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Hot Seat
Depth accelerator
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Inception / What's That Like?
Depth through repetition
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