Set up
Set a slower, steadier container and remind both people that the goal is not to be a good mind-reader. The point is to notice the stories the mind creates about the other person and check them against the living reality of the relationship.
Authentic Relating Games
Projection Check
Instead of guessing who the other person is, you name the images, assumptions, and interpretations that arise in you about them, then check them against reality. The game helps separate what you actually perceive from what your mind adds.
Game flow exampleGame flow example
Projection Check
A simple sample of what this game can sound like in practice.
Person A
I have a projection that you are a little bored right now and only pretending to be interested.
Person A pauses for a moment and notices what it is like to say that out loud.
Person A
As I say it, I notice tension in my stomach and some embarrassment that I am reading you this way at all.
Person B
I hear that there is tension and embarrassment in you. What feels true for me is a little different.
Person B takes a breath before responding from their own experience.
Person B
I am not bored. I notice that I became more careful and quieter because I was not sure how to enter the contact.
Person A
That changes a lot. I feel less defended and more softness when I hear that.
A simple flow
- Person A names one projection they are carrying about Person B.
- Person A adds what it is like to say that projection out loud, especially in their body or emotions.
- Person B first reflects what they heard, then says what is actually true for them rather than debating each detail.
- Both people name what changed after the projection was checked against reality, then switch roles.
Prompts to use
- “I have a projection that you…”
- “The story my mind is making about you is that…”
- “When I say that out loud, I notice…”
- “What is actually true for me is…”
- “Hearing that, something changes in me…”
What to watch for
- Turning projections into disguised accusations.
- Speaking as if your interpretation were already fact.
- Explaining yourself too fast instead of first naming the impact of hearing the projection.
- Trying to decide who is right instead of noticing what the mind created and what is actually here.
- Overloading the other person with too many heavy projections without enough containment.
Good variations
- At the beginning, let each person speak only one projection and check it right away.
- Use an extended 3/2 version: three minutes of short projections, then two minutes for the listener to name impact and say what felt closer to or farther from truth.
- After the round, invite both people to name one thing they see more clearly now than before the game.
- Close by asking: “What now feels less like projection and more like real contact?”
Previous game
What I Think You Think of Me
Projection check
Next game
Appreciation / Acknowledgment
Warmth builder
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Authentic Relating
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